There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My penis needs a shock collar
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
