Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
