do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
