Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
