I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
