How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
