a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
