i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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