I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
this will be a night to untag.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
