he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
