I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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