Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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