You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we're making bets on your personal life
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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