My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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