Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
