im holly from the hills drunk
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
