so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
420 ftw
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
