im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
