Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
