Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.