I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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