There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.