and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
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you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
