her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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