also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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