he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.