Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"