HIV tests are more positive than that guy
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
