just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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