I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
