I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
