Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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