when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
