Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
