Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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