I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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