Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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