plz talk dirty to me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
