i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Nicole vs. Life
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
MIDGETS
????
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
