I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
