He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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