Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
