I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
