he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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