Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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