Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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