dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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