How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're a waste of cheezeits
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
