Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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