I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
