He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize