dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
