idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize