I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is my gift to your gina
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
