She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
