i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
