no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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