PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
