I hate all girls vehemently.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
