There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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