What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
