There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I didn't notice because vodka
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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