It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
