when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
