it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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