I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize