then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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