those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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