is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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