Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
