Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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