Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
