Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
