Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
